Alan Jackson says he's calling early

Tune in tomorrow morning, as well as every day this week, to hear Alan Jackson.

He's our special guest of the week! Tomorrow, I'll list the top 5 things we've learned about Alan and we'll have him play the Um game! Might be tough for a man of few words.

Stay tuned.

I laughed all the way home

Been a crazy week. Cuh-razy. One of those when you question what day of the week it is and really don't care if you fall asleep with your clothes ON.

So that explains my lack of posts.

And then there was the girl at the drive-thru window. Running some errands tonight, I decided to bop through a place that years ago sold frozen chocolate-covered bananas. Used to be a favorite for my Dad and I, so I pulled up to the speaker. And I'm not kidding, the following conversation is what followed:

Female: Hi, can I help you?

Me: Yes, well...maybe. Do you still have your frozen bananas?

Female: Do we still have...what?

Me: Frozen chocolate-covered bananas.

Female: We have bananas.

Me: Yeah, but...are they frozen?

Female: Um, I'm not sure.

Me: Are they on a stick? You know, frozen on a stick?

Female: Oh no. Not on a stick. But, we could put it on one.

Me: But, it's not frozen!

Female: Ummmmmm...

Me: Ummm...

Female: So, do you want one?

Me: I think I'll pass.

And I drove away. Oddest conversation I've had in possibly...EVER.

look what taylor swift e-mailed to us

more like an Easter Egg Watch

Took the 5-year-old to his school's annual Easter Egg Hunt over the weekend.

And I would be slightly dishonest if I didn't say that Momma wanted to win a prize. After all, this was no ordinary egghunt. This was the hunt of all hunts, like bloodhounds trailing a certain scent, were kids to pastel eggs with candy neatly tucked inside.

And then there were THOSE eggs.

The mac daddy of eggs, the ones that felt empty, yet had a scrap of paper informing the child that they were the recipient of a large basket, taller than any 5-year-old, stocked full of donated gift certificates and items from local businesses. And while we parents were snapping photos of our adorable rosy-cheeked little ones, most moms and dads were thinking, 'Get the loot!' Any parent who says they weren't just aren't an honest bunny.

My Hayden did what any kid does at an Easter Egg Hunt, talked trash with the classmate next to him. Both exchanged harmless jabs, as in who would get more, who would go faster, and who would take home one of a handful of ginormous prize-baskets. Then the Bunny appeared, but not without Hayden telling me, 'He isn't the REAL one.' Next, a ten-second notice that the Bunny would soon blow the starting whistle and kids can grab as many as their chubby fingers would allow, plus a reminder for parents to please stay back and observe. 10-9-8-7-6...'Go for it, buddy,' I told Hayden, and he smiled knowingly....5-4-3-2...1...and the kids were off!

Except mine.

Hayden stood at the Start line, frozen in time and had no intention of running after some silly plastic eggs. 'Go, Hayden!' I shouted with encouragement. 'You can do it!' He stared at me as if to say, 'You want the eggs? Get 'em yourself.'

And so I did.

Realizing my son wasn't going unless he had some help, I grabbed him and ran onto the field, picking up an occasional egg and tossing it in the bag while I had two or three eggs grabbed out of my hands by a rather aggressive brunette. A teacher from the school noticed Hayden's struggle, and began tossing eggs in his bag in an act of kindness.

No prizes for this egg-hunting duo, but we did manage to take home some Milky Ways, Butterfingers, and Tootsie Rolls, to which Hayden shouted, 'Papaw's favorite!'

As for the delayed start? Hayden explained that he was embarrassed, but couldn't wait to go back next year.

Game on.

did you know...

Brad Paisley is quite the pancake designer? (See Brad's cakes, above.) His wife, Kimberly, says he can make just about any shape, including the dinosaurs often requested by his oldest son, Huck. Sounds like he has a second career to fall back on if this music thing doesn't work out.

Hillary Scott of Lady Antebellum wasn't good enough for American Idol? Hillary tells us she tried out twice, and never made it past the first round. Ouch. Now she has a couple of #1 songs under her belt. Take that, Idol.

Eddie Montgomery of Montgomery Gentry has to text AND call, because he 'can't spell worth crap?' No one can understand what he's trying to say, so he follows up a text with a phone call.

Carrie Underwood didn't do many family vacations? Carrie told us of the time she asked her dad to stop for something to eat due to major hunger pains, and her dad refused, assuming she was just being a 'silly girl.' What'd that silly girl do next? She threw up. I told Carrie to pack some chips next time, and she said 'There was no NEXT time.'

Taylor Swift recently talked coffee with us, saying she loves her morning java. But, she doesn't need that fancy stuff. 'Just two Sweet N' Lows,' is all it takes to make her happy.

And there you have it.

carrie talks fame and panic attacks

Look for Carrie Underwood on the cover of the new Allure magazine.

She talks about those panic attacks at Wal-Mart, the guilt of fame, and screening Tony Romo's calls on occasion, though the two remain friends.

Good stuff.

who needs toys r us?

My 5-year-old stopped by work today.

He hung with me for a few, but not before leaving with a bag full of stuff. Stuff could easily be swapped with the word junk, but hey that's not important.

This is what happens when my kids visit the radio station. My co-hosts see it as an opportunity to clean out their desks, leaving a little boy very happy and feeling oh-so-special. I mean, wouldn't you feel VIP-ish if you acquired the following items...for free?

A Nascar magnet

Water thermos

Pepper shaker

Baseball

Hockey pucks

8 notepads

Guitar picks

2 peppermints

Mini plastic football

And a picture frame

It was better than any visit to a candy store, and Hayden shouted, 'That was awesome!' as he waved goodbye.

Now that stuff is scattered across my living room floor.

Awesome.

clearly, the cool mom thing isn't working

Sitting at dinner last night, our oldest told his dad how we went on a bike ride while he was at work.

Earlier, I aired up the tires on the bikes for both boys, as well as mine, and we hit the road. And as Griff filled his Dad in on the fun details during dinner, I apparently got carried away and said, 'We went pretty far, didn't we? Give me some knuckles.'

My son stared blankly back, then said...'Ummmm, that's just not gonna happen.'

Point taken.

Rascal Flatts prank Darius Rucker

who knows what he'll say next

My 8-year-old had his annual physical today.

Should have been uneventful, but I had my never-quiet 5-year-old in attendance. And no, I don't think it's a big deal that I offered Griffin an ice cream cone in exchange for getting a vaccination shot, for the mere fact that Momma wanted some ice cream.

Oh yeah, and he didn't even wince.

We would have been in and out, barely noticed even, if it weren't for the giggles of the nurse and laughter from the pediatrician, who commented that Hayden will someday work for Saturday Night Live.

So true, as the little guy walked with me into Griff's school earlier to pick him up, and he shouted in the hall...

'Hey Griff, you're going to the doctor. And you have to get NAK-ED! And wear an itchy paper gown! And you know what else? The doctor is gonna look at your PRIVATES!'

Griff couldn't cover his brother's mouth fast enough, then asked me why I had to bring him.

At least it's never boring. And I mean...NEVER.

note to self: leave 5-yr-old at home

Took my oldest to see his orthodontist last week.

Figured my 5-year-old would want to tag along, since he's quite fond of Dr. Sadler's way-cool game room. We're clearly about two visits away from Hayden asking if we can host his next birthday party there.

It's that cool.

Griffin was his usual quiet and polite self, while Hayden chatted up the hygienists and showed off his wit, dropping one-liners and Elvis impersonations, as in 'Thank you. Thank you very muuuuch.'

Minus the scarf and swivel hips.

So, when it was time to leave, somebody mentioned jokingly to the boys that it was time to go, and Mom just might have 'a big date.' Hayden didn't miss a beat, saying...

'She doesn't want a date. Mom wants a GIRLFRIEND'.

We exited faster than the Kenyans cross the finish line at the Mini-Marathon, and my little comedian laughed all the way to the car.

Hardee har har.

Uhhh...gross

Brad Paisley has tweeted a photo of his bruise following a fall from stage last weekend in South Carolina. (Video below if you missed it.) Painful just to look at, don't ya think?

Glad he's ok, and I won't be complaining about a stubbed toe anytime soon.

kids wanting $ for video games at restaurants

5-year-old Hayden: Hey, Mom, can I have some money?

Me: Not if it's to play those video games.

Hayden: But, Mommmmmmmm. Pleeeeease?

Me: No. They'll be seating us at our table soon. We don't need to play.

Hayden: C'mon Mom, I just wanna play one game!

Me: Nope. No more asking. I'm telling you now, I am NOT putting money in those games.

Hayden: I know you're not...I AM! Now, can I have the money?

yes, you can have that shiny red ferrari

That's the car my 8-year-old says he'd like to have when he's older.

Hate to break it to him, but unless we win the lottery that's just not going to happen. Still, I can appreciate that he dreams big. Kinda like I wanted a horse when I was younger, but never got, and no I'm not bitter. My parents gave me some lame-o excuse that we didn't live on a farm. I spent weeks trying to understand why the darn thing couldn't live in our backyard or toolshed.

We're a lot alike, in other words. We're dreamers. We're also the sentimental type, and I wrote this for him:

Dear Griffin,

These days, you seem lightyears away from the days I proudly took you shopping during maternity leave, and naively forgot the diaper bag. You're getting older, growing as fast as I can keep food on the table, and talking the talk with your pals. (As in, 'Dude, check it out.') Still, my insides grin when I notice you haven't lost that sweet side of you, most definitely my favorite quality that you possess.

The side of you that lets out an 'awwwww' when you see a baby at the mall, the side that tells me I look nice when you get home from school, even though we both know I still have bedhead from my afternoon nap. The side that gasps in fear when I say your younger brother has to have a shot tomorrow and the side that still waves to Papaw Mike in heaven when the stars come out at night.

It's the side that isn't too cool to kiss Grandma goodbye, the side that looks for me on the sidelines at your football games, and the side that grins bashfully and says 'Mommmmmmmm' when I tease you about girlfriends.

You are that something special that doesn't come along every day and I will always love your spirit. Simply put, you make my heart smile.

Love you, buddy.

-Mom

bet they don't ask again

A couple of days ago, my youngest asked his Dad if we could get a new dog.

New, as in addition to the one we already have. Some people have multiple pets, but we aren't exactly a two-dog family. Things are hectic enough, so why add more dog hair to the equation? I mean, there's only so much time in the day that Greg can Swiffer. So, my husband attempted to remind our five-year-old that our black lab Darby is the best pet we could ask for, and why get another?

Then came an unexpected response.

'Well, couldn't we just trade her in for a new one?'

Glad to know she'll be missed. Greg used the moment to explain that we don't just get rid of things for something shiny and new, or in this case, younger and smaller. He explained to both boys that Darby is a member of our family, and we can't give up on her just because she's a little older and lays around more. 'How would you feel if Mom and I traded you in for a couple of new kids?'

Two sets of eyes from two little boys suddenly grew larger and I had to keep myself from giggling as their mouths dropped open.

Of course, they didn't like that idea, but I think they got the message as there has been no mention of a new dog in days.

Make no mistake, this theory does not apply to purses.

it's gonna take more than that, dad

Hayden.

Oh, Hayden.

He's my 5-year-old son who keeps us laughing and says what's on his mind, regardless of whether or not it's appropriate. I like to call it honesty, with a bit of an edge.

So yesterday, Greg drove Hayden to the doctor and tried to capture a warm fuzzy during a quiet moment in the car.

Greg: Hey, buddy...(Looking at him in the rearview mirror.)

Hayden: Yeah?

Greg: I love you.

Hayden: Yeah...that's no big surprise.

he'd make a great exchange student

Greg and I took our 5-year-old out to dinner last Friday, while our oldest was at a school function.

At the restaurant, our waiter asked me if I could use a refill, and for whatever reason, he made quite the impression on Hayden. Here's how it unfolded:

Hayden: Wow, he's nice.

Me: Yep, he is nice.

Hayden: I would sure like to be a part of his family some day.

Me: What? Wait a minute, if you did that...we would miss you being a part of ours.

Hayden: Yeah, well...you could visit.

Oooookay.