Can Someone Do It For Me?

I've reached rock bottom.

I am dead tired this morning, and going on three hours of sleep. I've inhaled so much coffee, that now mother nature is calling. In other words, I need to run to the ladies' room. The problem is...

I'm too tired to get up from my desk and walk in there.

Pathetic, I know.

Where's Your Pants?

I just saw the oddest thing.

I'm upstairs on the computer, while my boys play down at the neighbor's house. I glance out the window, only to see my 3-year-old running down the sidewalk...

...with no pants on.

WHAT?

Turns out, he'd gone to the potty down at the said-neighbor's, and needed me to...ahem...assist.

Assist, as in...help out with Mr. Charmin. Ok, I'm talking in code, and hope you get what I'm sayin.

Evidently, it didn't dawn on Hayden that you don't run down the sidewalk in your birthday suit. Sure enough, he ran inside, saying, "Mom, you'll be SO PROUD!"

Somehow those weren't the words that came to mind.

The Look

The look.

That glance we women sometimes get from our spouses. It could be the result of several different things. Usually involving some sort of frustration.

That's my husband, Greg, in the above photo, giving me "the look" when I told him to say cheese. We were at Disney. It was hot. Lines were long. Kids were fussy.

His look tells me he is...

Questioning why we were at Disney in June.

Or wondering how long he could listen to "It's A Small World After All" before boarding the boat.

That "look" can also be in a crowded department store when I tell him I'm going to try on "one more thing."

Or when I say I "forgot" to write in my debits, then hand him a purseful.

Or when he gets home with the groceries, only to find I didn't put milk on the list.

Oops.

The look doesn't happen all the time, just on occasion. I kind of like it.

Eel Anyone?

Thirsty?

A nice, tall glass of ice-cold lemonade is always great on a hot, summer day. Here's something I won't be endulging in anytime soon...

Surging Eel.

Yep. It's the new Japanese quench-thirster on the market. The fizzy, yellow-colored drink contains extracts from the head and bones of eel and five vitamins found in the fish.

Uh, no thanks.

Did You Know?

Something else I discovered about those self-scanning checkout lanes at the grocery store.

The automated voice tells you to enter your coins first, before feeding your dollar bills through the slot. But, that's not always convenient for me.

Feeling a little defiant, I did bills first, coins last yesterday. It felt good to break the rules a bit. And guess what?

Either way works.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

You may recall me posting a couple of weeks ago about our trip to North Carolina to see family. My Aunt Cindy lives there, along with my cousin, Ryan.

Ryan is the one who had the bottle opener on the bottom of his flip-flop. I'd never seen such a thing. I also had never seen an adult ride the kiddie merry-go-round, but he hopped on with my 3-year-old, Hayden.

Wouldn't he make a great dad?

Thanks, Ryan. Now the kids want me to ride the toy pony at the grocery store.

Brooks & Dunn on WFMS!

Brooks and Dunn fans, listen up!

Kix and Ronnie say they are getting up early tomorrow to call in to the morning show. Expect to hear them around 8:10 am.

They're a blast to chat with, and a fun way to spend your time on 465 driving to work!

Coffee Courtesy

Just when you think there aren't any nice people left in the world, something happens to restore your faith in humanity.

I made my daily trip to Starbucks this morning after the show. After ordering at the drive-thru speaker, I pulled up to the next window, only to be told...

"The car in front of you paid for your drink." It made my whole day.

Now it's my turn to do it for someone else.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

After swimming yesterday, the boys wanted to stop by the playground in the neighborhood before heading home. So we did.

3-year-old Hayden screamed with excitement as he ran to play, saying...

"I want to ride the TATER-totter!"

I didn't have the heart to correct him.

Greg Takes a Break

My husband Greg is not a "sitter."

He is great at spending time with the boys, throwing a football, etc, but he doesn't lounge around the house. By all means, there are floors to mop and dishes to wash.

Let's just say he's an odd bird.

Today, Greg put the Swiffer down and we took the boys to the pool. I was proud of Greg. He didn't say, "I'm sweating" one time. The man does NOT like to be hot.

He said he was enjoying himself, and wasn't thinking about things that "needed to be done." Greg got a little excited when he realized I had packed "snacks" to eat while laying in the sun. (You should have seen his reaction to the tortilla chips.) Then it hit me...

He could get used to this.

Gulp.

Select Listening

Summer is coming to a close for my kids. Less than two weeks till school starts. Over the past couple of months, I've learned something.

I've learned that my boys can't hear me call them for dinner, but they CAN hear the ice cream truck...

...two neighborhoods away.

Why is that?

A Fleeting Thought

Baby Jackson.

That's my new nephew, son of my younger sis and her husband. He is adorable.

Tonight, we celebrated my sisters' birthdays (one day apart) at the Indians game, and Jackson was there.

You'd think we were standing in line at the deli department the way we line up for dibs to hold the baby. "Take a number," I told a relative, because I called him first. The little guy is loved, that's for sure.

I was enjoying my bonding time with Jackson, observing that he is already filling out, and even smiles on occasion. Then I remembered how much I love the baby phase. They are such snugglers.

That baby-soft skin took me back, and I started to miss that powder smell and chubby grip on my index finger...

...then Jackson spit up.

Sure was nice while it lasted.

Drive-Thru Downer

Some drive-thru's are quick and have this "fast food" thing down to a science. Others...not so much.

A couple of days ago, the boys and I placed our order at a drive-thru that fell in the "not so much" category. Here's what happened...

I ordered. The guy working the speaker repeated my order back, but it was wrong. I gave it to him again. Two kids meals with chicken nuggets and a hamburger.

I pull to the second window, they repeat someone else's order to me. Nope, that's not it. I repeat the order a third time.

At the pickup window, the employee asks me to confirm an order of "two cheeseburgers and a large fry?"

Uhhhh...no. Here we go again. Repeat a fourth time.

He looks confused. Soon, a manager appears. I'm asked to give the order again. I fake a smile and wonder when the nightmare will end. Griffin asks me, "What is taking so long?"

Finally, I am handed two kids meals and no hamburger. I knock on the window.

"Sorry bout that," they say.

I go to pull away, and the boys red flag the toys in their kids meals. They were for girls.

Of course they are.

I knock on the window again and explain my predicament, saying if the boys are forced to play with girl toys all the way home, Mommy's gonna lose it. Don't they know we come here for the sole purpose of getting the featured toy that week?

After what seemed like an hour, we drove away, much to the pleasure of the car behind me.

And they call it FAST food.

Little Unknown Facts

Jessica Simpson.

She's made the move to country music, as most of you may know. The morning show talks with her next week. We've been mulling over what to ask when she calls in to the show.

We always try to learn something we didn't know.

Such as, what do you eat before a show? Or the average amount of money she carries in her wallet. Or what's the deal with your dad?

After talking with Jessica, Dolly Parton will be a guest. Did you know Dolly used to buy her lingerie at Fredericks? Yep. Something she told us the last time we chatted.

Never a dull moment.

Oprah...Here We Come

The boys are recreating last night's Jonas Brothers concert in our living room today. It's getting intense.

Microphones, toy guitars, tamborines, etc are scattered all around. Hayden grabbed three stepstools to hop on, trying to immitate the moment in the show when Nick, Joe, and Kevin stood on pedestals that rose at least twenty feet into the air.

Griffin asked me to help him work on his frontward flip. "Like Nick did," he said. He may have his work cut out for him.

Hayden adopted Kevin's move where he holds his guitar and spins around several times in a row.

Hayden later ran to his room, and returned with a white T-shirt. "Nick wears white," Hayden told me. Of course he does.

Finally, it dawned on my boys that the Jonas Brothers had three people in the group, and we only had two. Guess who was asked to fill in?

Yep. It was a sight to see. The three of us atop a stepstool.

Rock on.

Jonas Brothers Mania

I'm tired.

I took the boys to see their rock-star idols, the Jonas Brothers, last night. It was Griffin and Hayden's first concert.

They know every word to every song, and emulate their idols in our family room each night, holding their toy guitars while rocking out. I wish I could capture the excitement on their faces and put it in a drawer for safekeeping.

When singers Nick, Joe, and Kevin first appeared, flames shot up from the edge of the stage. My boys were frozen in time. Hayden's mouth dropped open. For the next twenty-five minutes, he didn't say a word, open-mouthed and completely in awe.

Toward the end of the show, I asked Griff if he was ready to leave, and he said, "Mom, it's my first concert. I'm staying till the very last song."

And we did.

On the drive home, Griffin asked me things like why were girls crying, and why were they screaming things like, "I love you, Nick!" He couldn't understand it.

I smiled when Griff put his arm around me as I tucked him in to bed. He said, "Mom, this was the best day of my life...EVER."

Spoken like a true rock star.

The Simple Life

My oldest son, Griffin, turned 7 last week. "I'm a grown-up," he told me. Wow. I'm almost 36, and I'm not sure I've got this grown-up thing figured out.

Griffin notices the little things in life. I love that about him.

New baseball sheets on his bed or getting a haircut are things that bring a smile to his face. So, it was no surprise when we took him to the garage to show him his new bicycle that he said...

"It has a KICKSTAND? YES!"

We were careful to select one in his favorite color, blue, and one that would look cool for a "grown-up."

And all he wanted was a kickstand.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Greg took the boys to a baseball game this week to watch the Indians play.

My 3-year-old won't go unless he looks like a member of the team. He was sportin a jersey, baseball hat, cleats and sweatbands on both wrists. He looked like he should be on the field.

Honestly, the only thing missing was a cup.

Play ball.

Let's Eat

Next time you're in Nashville, head to Panera Bread. You just might see Keith Urban there.

The new dad took a breather from making bottles and stopped in at Panera this week for lunch. He placed his order, and sat alone with no one chatting him up.

In case you're wondering, Keith ordered a Mediterranean Veggie sandwich.

What's on it?

Peppers, feta cheese, cucumbers, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and hummus.

Umm...I'll stick with turkey.

Feelin' Guilty

I'm a repeat offender.

I've been to the vending machine twice this morning. Not once, twice. Once for peanut M&M's, and then back for my favorite, wheat crackers.

Now I'm having regrets. I hate that. I usually eat pretty healthy.

In fact, I had a salad last night for dinner. Doesn't quite make sense. Eat light in the evening only to hold the vending machine hostage the next day.

When will I learn?

The Cons of Texting

I love text messages.

What a concept. Send a message and be done with it. Get a reply and answer on your own time. Good for busy schedules these days.

It's sort of like calling someone, but secretly hoping to get their voicemail to avoid a long conversation.

You know who you are.

The problem with texting is when you respond to a couple of different people, who then respond back to you, and you find yourself in more than one conversation.

For example, my friend was having a bad day, so I wanted to tell her about a sale at a nearby store. "Go buy yourself a cute top, they're half-off," I wrote. My co-host, Jim, also wrote, asking me whose turn it was to carpool to work.

Evidently, I accidentally sent HIM the message for my friend about the sale. Jim wrote back...

"Ok. I'm off to buy a cute top, but who's drivin'?"

Pucker Up

I'm a lipgloss junkie.

I apply it all day long. Love it. Love it. Love it.

Saturday, I set out to buy a new tube from my favorite store. The store clerk asked me to try a couple of new shades.

Ok...I had a minute to spare.

After applying the first one, my lips began tingling. They felt warm. I know one thing, I didn't like it. The clerk went on to tell me that the tingling sensation was the result of the "lip plumping potion" in the gloss. The WHAT?

I immediately wiped it off. I don't even like it when my foot falls asleep. Why would I want Steven-Tyler lips that I can't feel? No thanks. I bought my usual non-plumping shade, and headed out.

By the way, the weird tingling faded half-way through my chicken salad sandwich.

Thought You Might Wanna Know

This just in.

When using a public restroom, you might want to head for the stall on the left or the right. Avoid the middle. A new study shows the middle stall is used most often, and contains the most germs.

Just passing along some helpful information.

And be sure to flush.

Lifeguard Looks

Since I mentioned our neighborhood pool in the post below, I should also mention the lifeguards.

They are a riot.

While I appreciate that they are keeping us safe, I can't help but wonder where they came from. Honestly, they all look like Abercrombie & Fitch models. You would laugh hysterically.

Aviator glasses. Diamond studs in both ears for the guys. Abs so ripped they look like they've been airbrushed. The guys' hair perfectly coiffed with gel. Almost makes you wonder if they'd be ok with getting it wet, should the need arise.

I sometimes catch them checking themselves out, or making sure they are sitting at the right angle to flex their chiseled bellies.

It's like Baywatch, without the Hoff.

Listening Ears

I've been taking the boys to the pool in the neighborhood this summer. They love it.

The only downfall is trying to get them out when it's time to leave. I don't love that.

It's always a struggle.

So, I watched in amazement as another mom yelled for her son to get out so they could leave. Turns out, his name was also "Hayden." My Hayden, a 3-year-old, looked at this woman with a confused expression. He couldn't understand why she was talking to him. So he thought. She called for her son again, saying it was time to get out.

Still confused, Hayden said, "Ok, I will."

It was that easy.

I explained that WE were staying, but laughed at how effortless it was.

Mark my word, it won't happen twice.

A Birthday Letter

Today is my oldest son's birthday. He's 7. I'm excited to celebrate the day with him.

I wrote this in honor of my little man.

Dear Griffin,

Seven years ago, I never could have guessed how you would change my life. You have such a sweet soul, and compassion for others. I'm proud of you.

Proud of how you wake up each day with a smile on your face. Recently, I called home from work to see how your day was going, and you greeted me by saying, "Morning Mommy!" When I asked how you were, you told me, "It's a great day!" I wish I could bottle up some of that zest for life that you always display.

I love how you think of others. You ask the doctor for an extra sticker to take home to your brother. When we passed a boy playing on the porch of a farmhouse, you remarked, "Mom, that boy is all alone. Maybe I should come back sometime and play with him."

When you had the flu all night, you told me you were sorry that I didn't get much sleep. Yet, you were the one who was miserable.

I told you the other night when I tucked you in that I am glad to be your mom. I mean it. Birthdays are all about gift-giving, but I got the best gift of all.

Happy Birthday, buddy.

It's the Little Things

I use those self-checkout lanes at the grocery store.

And I'm going to admit something that is pretty corny. When the automated voice asks me to scan my membership card, I get a little kick out of hearing her say...

..."Welcome Valued Customer."

No kidding.

Makes me feel kind of important. I stand a little taller when my automated friend acknowledges me. Makes me want to look at other customers who don't have a card and say, "That's right...I'm a member."

I need to get out more.

Starbucks or Bust

My husband and I were chatting about the high price of gas. He then made some comment about if it gets much higher, maybe I should cut back on my Starbucks purchases.

WHAT? Oh no he didn't.

I told him it's not going to happen. Fuhgetaboutit. I then tried to convince him that I really don't go as often as he thinks I do.

Later, we were out, and I asked him to swing through the Starbucks drive-through. I ordered and we pulled up to the window.

The barista at the window recognized that I had been there before. She then said, "Don't you usually order the carmel frappucino with no whip?"

Greg shot me a look.

Oops. Looks like trying to convince him that I wasn't a regular was a waste of time.

I'd been outed.

Childhood Memories

Our busy summer continues.

Tonight, I decided to show the boys how I used to make popcorn when I was younger. It was a lesson in "easier isn't always better." No need to throw a bag in the microwave.

Instead, we used Jiffy Pop. (I also used an air popper as a kid, and my favorite method, oil in a pan.) But, I figured the Jiffy Pop would result in a greater visual effect.

The boys eyes lit up like they had just discovered a truck full of ice cream. They were amazed, and for about two minutes, it was quiet in our home.

As the foil ball got bigger, Hayden screamed "It's gonna explode!" Then he said, "Mommy, you were LUCKY." After tasting it, Griffin remarked, "Wow, it tastes just like the movies!"

They later asked if we could pop our corn like this EVERY time.

Yep. Now pass the salt.

Who am I and what am I doing?

I feel like I'm losing it. Let me explain.

Jim, my co-host, lives close to me, so we've been carpooling to help with the high cost of gas. Today was my turn to drive, so I told Jim I would be there at 3:45 am.

I set my alarm, like always, and went to bed.

This morning, I hit snooze a couple of times, and got up to shower for work. I took my time, keeping an eye on the clock to make sure I wouldn't be late. Nope. Not me. I was ahead of schedule.

So, I found it odd when I pulled up to Jim's house and found the place dark. I called his cell. "Did you leave, thinking I wasn't coming?" He didn't seem to understand. I went on to say, "I'm at your house, its 3:45." Jim laughed and said...

"I'm at work, and Deb...it's 4:45. I figured you overslept."

We were set to go on the air in 15 minutes and I was 20 minutes away. After a few choice words, I said I'd be right there. I then spent my drive on 465 trying to figure out how I was an hour OFF.

How does this happen?

In a little bit

My 3-year-old is obsessed with the phrase, "in a little bit."

Hayden will ask me when we are going to the pool, and if I say "later," he corrects me. "No, in a LITTLE BIT." Evidently, a little bit will happen sooner than later.

And so it goes in our house, the daily conversations.

"Mom, when can I have dessert?" Maybe in awhile...I will respond. "No, Mom, in a little bit," I am quickly reminded.

Same thing happened when Hayden asked me how much longer till we would be at Aunt Cindy's house in North Carolina.

"Very soon," I promised.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO...in a little bit!" He is a determined little guy.

Last night, I told Hayden to please turn off the tv and get ready for bed. His response?

"Later."

State Fair Anticipation

It's about that time again.

The State Fair is in just over two weeks. My boys love it. My extended family goes as well, and its not the fair if you didn't eat a corn dog and a lemonade shakeup.

I remember the year I cringed when I paid $5.00 for Griffin's turkey leg, only to have the guy next to Griff at the table accidentally pick it up and take a bite. "My bad," was his response.

Uh-huh.

Before you know it, we'll be back.

Going down the carpet slide, even though I get sick to my stomach climbing those narrow stairs, and shelling out several dollars for the ringtoss so we can take home a stuffed animal that won't fit in our car. Last year, we had to give it away to another family.

We never leave without stopping in the swine barn. That's last year's photo above.

See, there's more than corn in Indiana.

Dental Doom

Took my 7-year-old to the orthodontist last week.

Here I was, worried that Griffin would be upset when we were told it was time for some partial braces and an expander. I explained to Griff that he needs these things to help open his jaw and correct his cross-bite. Griff looked at me, and said...

"YES!" He also pumped his fists in the air with excitement.

Apparently, getting braces is cool now. Gone are the days of crying yourself to sleep over the metal in your mouth, such as I did when I was a young teen.

Griffin couldn't wait to spread the news around. He told the person who rode down in the elevator with us, our neighbors, and anyone who would listen.

Who knew?

Hillbilly bottle opener

Just returned from visiting my Aunt Cindy in North Carolina. Had a great time.

My cousin, Ryan, was there as well. However, I noticed they do things a little differently in that state. Here's one example.

We arrived, and chatted in the kitchen a few minutes. Ryan grabbed a beer, and needed a bottle opener...which he found on the sole of his...

SHOE.

Yep. He picked up his flip-flop and pryed the bottle cap off his beer. Alrighty then. I made him take off his shoe so I could examine it closer. It truly was a bottle opener.

We are either behind the times or my family is a little backwards.

I'll go with the latter.

6 Weird Things I Do

We all have our quirks. Some more than others. I would fall into that "some" category.

So, I thought I would share 6 weird things that I do. Here goes: 1. I can't sleep on my left side. Only my right. I curl up in the fetal position and drift off immediately. Some say they have trouble sleeping, but I don't lie awake longer than 2 minutes.

2. I don't lock the door of the bathroom stall at work when I run to the ladies room. Reason: I'm the only woman in the building during the show, and the average song is only 3 minutes. Who's gonna walk in?

3. I keep ticket stubs, but not on purpose. My coat pockets and purses are full of scattered ticket stubs to ballgames, movies and other events I've been to with my family. They just never make it to the trash can.

4. I shake the carton of orange juice before I pour myself a glass. Something about the foamy froth on the top that I love.

5. I don't like to order first when dining out. If the waitress asks me first, I have other members of my party order, then me. Not even sure why. Maybe I want to hear what they are having.

6. Finally, I don't pour my salad dressing directly on my plate. I dip my fork full of lettuce in the dressing. My sister does it, too. Suddenly, writing that makes me feel like that's not normal.

And those are the 6 weird things that I do. I probably have more.

I've Heard Worse

Billy Ray Cyrus.

The boys were all atwitter when they found out Billy Ray would be calling the morning show this week. They wanted a full report of what he said when I got home. They also told me to tell Billy Ray...

"Sweet Niblets!"

That's one of the phrases he mutters on the show. So, I followed orders, and found out that Billy Ray happened to blurt out that phrase when something shocking happened on the set, and producers loved it. It stuck.

Billy Ray thinks sweet niblets was a dogfood back when he was little.

All I know is my kids could be yelling out something much worse.

Sweet Niblets.

Laundry Luck

I may just give up on wearing anything that is white this summer. Here's why...

I went to press my favorite white pants this morning before work. I was about finished, when I realized the iron didn't run smoothly over the left pocket. Hmmmm.

Upon further investigation, I discovered that the pocket was sticky. I reached inside. Yep...sticky.

Sticky...as in gum that had been washed, and then dried. It felt like maple syrup had been been poured inside.

After my previous story of bad luck with white shorts, I think I'll stick with black.

Safer.

Bikini-Envy

Carrie Underwood.

That's her in a bikini during a recent trip to the beach. The third photo looks like she caught someone snapping the picture. Rest assured, Carrie.

You have nothing to worry about.

Gum Disappointment

Orbit gum. It has a new flavor called Citrus Mint.

Blake Shelton says its his favorite kind of gum. And not just one piece, but two.

In a meeting with my pals, Jim and Kevin, I was offered a piece of the very same gum. Kevin had a pack of it, and was passing it around. I took one.

A little orange.

A little mint.

And the general consensus...

...a little nasty.

Has that always been there?

I'm getting my eyes checked. For awhile now, I have literally been running into doors.

Walls.

Desks.

You name it, I bounce off of it.

Most recently, it was a wall near the kitchen. Greg witnessed it, and laughed out loud, then asked me, "Why does this always happen to you?"

My depth perception is way off anymore. Maybe it's part of getting older. I've always had good eyesight, but one thing is certain.

I may be wearing glasses soon.

I scream for...toppings?

Ice-cream sundaes.

It was "Build-Your-Own Sundae" night at our home last night. The kids had been good, and earned a special dessert.

Hayden chose vanilla bean, and topped it with rainbow sprinkles, and a couple of gummi bears.

Two minutes later, my 3-year-old announced that he was "finished." Already?

I examined his bowl. Hayden's definition of "finished" meant he had managed to consume every microscopic sprinkle and gummi, but NO ice cream.

Hayden is also the one who eats the icing, but not the cake. The chocolate-chips, but not the cookie. The jelly, but not the toast. And half of the time, he wears...

...the football jersey, but not the pants.

That's my boy.

Help on Aisle 7

I received an odd call from Greg while sitting at my desk yesterday at work.

He had run to the grocery store, and asked, "Where do they keep the Uncrustables?"

WHAT?

Greg explained that he was in the frozen food section and was having trouble finding them. And for some unknown reason, he was asking me.

"Ask an employee," I told him. Greg went on to tell me that I buy them all the time so he figured I would know.

Right.

So, my co-workers listened to me guide Greg around the frozen veggies, garlic toast, and popsicles. "It's a red and white box," I told him.

"I don't think they have them," Greg said in frustration. "They HAVE them," I said. Finally, just past the nuggets and fishsticks, he found the pre-made PB & J's. Yes, my-co-workers were laughing.

Men.

Why Sunday?

This just in...

Nicole Kidman's father, Antony Kidman, has shared the meaning behind her baby's name...Sunday. Mr. Kidman says the name of his newest granddaughter was inspired by the muse of Australian artist Sidney Nolan, Sunday Reed.

So now we know.

Keith and Nicole's Home

Sunday Rose.

That's Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman's baby girl. The baby is going to love her new digs in Nashville.

If you haven't seen some of the pics of the couple's new $3.75 million dollar pad, check it out. Not sure which one of the 7 bedrooms Sunday will sleep in.

Not too shabby.

Whispering Sweet Nothings

My 3-year-old Hayden has come up with some zingers lately. We've all got kids who "say the darndest things." However, if I'm going to share the silly, I've gotta share the sweet.

Yesterday, after the show, I came home from work, and Hayden cuddled with me upstairs. Under his breath, I heard him say...

..."I love your hugs."

I love his more.